Vegans. What’s not wrong?

Pasty faced individuals who refuse to touch anything. Jes-louis! You rarely get anything more annoying than a Vegan going off on ‘one’.

Yep. That’s it, Vegan are everything that’s wrong with society.

Ok, let’s look at the facts…

Red meat in any quantity is a bad thing, science has proved bowel cancel, and a heap of other things are linked to red meat.

Death is not a good thing. Death is the most natural thing in the world but breeding hundreds of animals in mini Alcatraz’s before going to Mr Spinning Automated Meat Clever of Death to a conveyor belt that also does Tesco/ASDA/Sainsbo/wherever shrink wrapping ain’t a good thing.

Forcing a cow to be in constant after birth state, aka lactating through hormones and constant artificial insemination to keep them rearing new calfs to aid in additional income is not good.

Ok, what’s wrong? I agree with the old native Americans and their view towards the Buffalo. If you’re going to murder something thing (that’s what it is at the end of the day) the least you can do is use all of the animal. If you’ve got a cow you can use its skin for shoes, its meat for tasty goodness, innards for pies or cat meat, its tail for a good soup, its eyes for secondary school science classes, its bones for your dog or making into gelatin ummmm, Haribo!

Free range is certainly better, luckily it seems there is a bit more emphasis now on keeping animals in a happy lifestyle before they go to chicken/pig/….Heaven.

The idea of forced lactation is a horrible one, and it really isn’t right. There seems to be lots of propaganda around the health benefits of milk, it is a good substance being naturally developed to help Calves become big Cows . But there’s the problem right there, calves to cows. Breastmilk from Babies to Men and Women. We don’t breastfeed at 21 (I’d hope the majority of the population would stop around 20 years before that age!)

There’s a case that ‘skimming’ the fat, e.g. anything that’s not gold or silver top takes calcium levels down by halves. In which case eating most green vegetables will give you more Calcium.

Fair enough we’re not developed to handle dairy every meal time but we can digest the odd bits and piece like eggs.

Now eggs get shat out by a hen most days of the week unless shes bored or pregnant. I’d love love love love to hear the vegan argument against eggs.

Yes they have a high fat content, a high protein content, a high Omega 3 content, they get shat out anyway and will rot unless eaten, where’s the problem. Seriously? We need all these aspects of a diet to survive.

Omega 3, there’s another buzz word. So you get this amazing oil in fish, some other white meats, eggs, seeds, nuts and other birdfood.

I’m a purveyor of the old birdfood until I find Omega 3 from seeds and nuts can’t be digested if you have particulars in your body such as alcohol, high acid levels… rah rah. Time to cut out the drink in that case.

Stuff you might not know!

The powers that be filter wine and most commercial lagers through a substance that is basically fish guts.

Most cheese needs a component called rennet to set, which is formed from the lining of a cows stomach.

Milking cows don’t tend to get eaten, they tend to get milked as long as possible, e.g. until the flesh is too stringy to eat so either a natural death or the Haribo factory for your boney goodness.

There’s a few good things about the vegans we know for a fact…

That last steak in the reduced section of the supermarket wont get grabbed by a vegan…

the last pair of Dr Martins in the sale won’t get bought by a vegan.…

I can sit in a major chain coffee shop drinking those bloody tasty hot chocolates with the fake whipped cream and marshmallows in without fear of a vegan tea leafing it.

I can’t be sure about the following…

Your fellow Vegan might buy the last vinyl copy of 1000 Hurts under your nose.

This is because Shellac is naturally derived from bug shells, not from killing. Debate it next time you go to your local independent record shop. The fact that the vinyl isn’t made from Shellac and Albini has probably eaten every creature in the rainforest doesn’t count.

…I agree with the old native Americans and their view towards the Buffalo.

Additional Research Notes :

Linda McCartney was a hardcore vegetarian. She died of cancer. What does that say for you vegans? Animal products alone aren’t going to save you from the inevitable.